*The text in this transcript may not match perfectly with audio. Subject to change*

[THEME MUSIC]

[ANNOUNCER]

This is a Special World Report with a Friend of Medjugorje

[THEME MUSIC]

[CLIP]

Over the last twenty years, theres been a startling rise in rude and obscene behaviour from young people. This directly contradicts many parents efforts to teach their kids kindness, respect, and decency. The biggest victim in this battle for civility is the hearts and minds of young women. Somewhere amidst the feminist movement, girls assumed that societal approval to act or talk anyway they wanted was perfectly fine. This shift has caused monumental consequences on our society because women have a profound impact on the moral fabric of this country

[END CLIP]

[A FRIEND OF MEDJUGORJE]

What does that mean? Youve heard me make this quote many times. And I would say tens of thousands if not hundreds of thousands have heard this. I got in a taxi in New York City, and I asked the taxi driver, How is it going in New York? And he said nine words. He was just a typical driver, but this sentence that he made is made known around the world. You never know, when you say something, who may hear it and use it to explain the culture. He said to my question, How is going for New York, responding, It depends on how short the girls skirts are. I immediately understood it. It was very clear.

Our Lady is here as a barometer for the culture. Shes what we measure ourselves next to, especially the women. Gods not sending St. Michael the Archangel. He is sending a Woman, a feminine Woman, Who knows what woman needs to be. In our way of life, which our bishop said was our rule book, it states,

We dont teach a girl how to dress when theyre fifteen. We teach a girl how to dress at fifteen when they are four, five, and six.

What youre about to hear is a broadcast from Dr. James Dobson, who became very popular about the family and discipline and many issues in the family. Hes going to be quoting from his book, Bringing Up Girls. Before we go into that, I want to give you a definition of two words, ones infallible, which means,

not capable of erring; entirely exempt from liability or mistake, not liable to fail

In other words, if somethings infallible, it is truth. In other words, its a prerogative of God, which is only reserved for Him. And Our Ladys been sent to us to give us truth, infallible truth. Her words contain that.

I have already mentioned the other word, which is barometer. The definition of barometer is, something that indicates fluctuations, even like public opinion. A barometer measuring that is being shown by the behaviour of our culture of women. Thats what the taxicab driver was referring to when he said short skirts. The shorter, the worse it is for the culture. Thats how its measured. This statement, full of wisdom, is saying that a skirt is a barometer. Women have power to save the world or to destroy it.

So, these two words will be mentioned by John Adams, quoted by James Dobson, and its an amazing thing, because it is true that the Scriptures say, Husbands, love your wife and purify her. Why is that word? Nobody talks about that. The husband is to purify the wife. Why? Because theres so much influence by her, what she does, how she behaves, how she carries herself, her manners, her character, what she instils into the children, because shes the first one thats nursing them, bringing them up when theyre young when theyre four, five, six, when the dad starts coming in to influence when they get older. The woman has the power. And thats why God put the man over her in authority, because she has to be checked. She has to be purified, because when someone has so many qualities, so much influence, theyre prone to go astray. And thats where we are, and thats why God is sending a Woman to the world to address the woman, and I base that on a message, December 19, 1985,

I wish in a special way on Christmas Day to give mothers my own Special Motherly blessing and Jesus will bless the rest with His own blessing

Why did She segregate men, boys, little girls, except Shes here for a special reason? Shes giving the mothers Her own Special Motherly blessing. Thats a big statement. Thats something to reflect on very deeply. And it is because motherhood has gone off-base.

And at the end, well play a song, in finishing that, that will bring a little bit of southern fathers protection of his daughter.

So, well begin this, what youre about to hear, which I would recommend strongly that you listen to it two or three times, because theres some good lessons in it.

[CLIP: DR. JAMES DOBSON]

Having explored a few of the neurological and physiological intricacies of the human female brain, lets take the next logical step and consider how girls should be raised. Thatll take us from nature, where we begin, to nurture, which is another infinitely complex subject.

To address it, I want to step back a couple of hundred years and get a running start at the principles that matter most. The ideas and perspectives I will share were true two centuries ago, and theyre precisely on target today.

We begin by revisiting the beliefs and writings of the second President of the United States, John Adams. He was a prolific reader, statesman, and author, and he made an incalculable contribution to our country. He was not a perfect man, but he lived by a standard of righteousness throughout his adult life.

In his autobiography, Adams wrote a commentary on the subject of moral behaviour, which he called Manners. Though the language is formal and dated, I urge you to listen to these words carefully and thoughtfully. They carry great meaning for us today. Adams wrote,

From all that I read of history and government, of human life and manners, I have drawn this conclusion, that the manners of women are the most infallible barometer to ascertain the degree of morality and virtue in a nation. All that Ive since read and all the observation Ive made in different nations have confirmed me in this opinion. Manners of women are the surest criterion by which to determine whether a Republican government is practicable in a nation or not. The foundations of national morality must be laid in private families. In vain are schools, academies, and universities instituted if loose principles and licentious habits are not impressed upon children in their earliest years

And this is the key sentence:

The mothers are the earliest and most important instructors of youth.

How insightful it is that Adams placed the responsibility for the essential moral character of the nation squarely on the shoulders of mothers. Fathers play a key role too, of course. But moms are absolutely indispensable. It is their primary task to transmit enduring principles of right and wrong to the next generation. The old proverb is still true, that, the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. If women grow weary of that responsibility, or if they lose sight of their own moral compass, no other institution or governmental agency will be able to save the nation. So wrote President John Adams.

To paraphrase, Adams was saying that a representative form of government, such as ours, cannot survive without a spiritual foundation, because its citizens are masters of their own destinies. That is the great vulnerability of a democracy. Our political system, which Abraham Lincoln said is intended to be of the people, by the people, for the people, can be no more stable than the collective character of its citizenry. Its all up to us. There is no king, dictator, or tyrant to restrain our behaviour. If we choose evil, there will be no stopping us. In short, our national sovereignty depends on the transmission of the nations morals and manners to children, and that task should begin in the nursery. But what form does this early training take in todays world? It begins with basic civility, because manners and morals are directly connected.

As Horace Mann said,

Manners easily and rapidly mature into morals.

The first tends to lead to the second. In centuries past, cultured and religious families understood this relationship. They were aware that girls and boys and all of humanity are flawed and inherently sinful. Thus, old English and early American societies worked diligently at teaching what were called the social graces. Teaching manners was their highest priority because of the connection to Christian piety. Alas, American and British cultures in the 21^st century have swung to the other end of the continuum. Young girls are often allowed and even encouraged to be brash, rude, crude, profane, immodest, immoral, loud, and aggressive. Some of this behaviour has been consciously taught in recent years under the rubric of assertiveness training. To the extent that such programs were designed to instil confidence in bashful, frightened young women, I supported them, but some girls have been taught the worst characteristics of uncivil males. I know my words must sound horribly old-fashioned and archaic at this point, but there is something important here for us to consider.

Obviously, human nature has not improved much in the past several hundred years, nor will it ever. What has changed, as I have described, is that many parents have become far too distracted, overworked and stressed out to care about teaching morals and manners to their children. Jolene Savage, who runs the Social Graces School of Etiquette in Topeka, Kansas, says,

Society has reached an all-time low when it comes to matters of civility. Exhausted moms and dads seem not to have noticed what has happened to their children.

Clearly, instruction in civility is needed now more than ever. Getting that done, however, can be a challenge. Once again, speaking directly to mothers, its your job to enculturate your daughters and to help them become ladies. Does that sound chauvinistic in our high-tech world? I suppose it does, but even so, it makes sense. As Lisa Fisher, an instructor at the Final Touch Finishing School in Seattle, Washington said,

Etiquette has to do with knowing the rules. Therefore, girls should be taught how to eat, talk, walk, dress, converse on the telephone, and respond to adults with respect and poise. Parents should demonstrate good posture and table manners for them, such as putting a napkin in the lap, showing them where to place silverware and not talking with food in their mouths. They should also explain that burping and gobbling food and picking teeth are rude. I also firmly believe that you should require your kids to say thank you and please to demonstrate that ours is not a gimme, gimme world. Appreciation is an attitude best cultivated at home. Teach techniques of personal grooming, hygiene and nutrition. Role play with them about being gracious hosts and how to formally introduce parents or friends to each other. Require them to excuse themselves when leaving the table, and explain how to make friends, how to take turns talking in a group, and how to make eye contact. You might even help them learn how to cook and care for children.

Wouldnt that be something novel?

Although Im not an expert in teaching girls some of the social graces that Ive named, I learned a masculine version of the rules. I know them when I see them. Let me offer a technique that I came across several years ago. Its designed to teach boys and girls the art of conversation. Ive shared it before, but I include it here for the benefit of those who havent been paying attention.

It begins by facing your daughter about six feet away and telling her that youre going to play a game together. Then call attention to the tennis ball that youre holding, which you proceed to bounce in your direction. After she catches the ball, stand there looking at each other for a moment before saying, It isnt much fun if you hold the ball, is it? Why dont you throw it back? Your daughter will probably return the ball rather quickly. Stand motionless for a few seconds and then say, Okay. Im sending it back to you now. The child will be curious about whats going on. Then sit down together and describe the meaning of the game. Tell her that talking together is a game called conversation, and it only works if the ball is thrown back. If a person bounces a question to you and you hold it, the game ends. Neither you nor the partner has any fun, but if you throw it back, youre playing the game properly.

Follow up by saying, Suppose I ask, Did you like the book youve been reading? I have thrown the ball to you. If you simply say, Yes, in reply, then you have caught and held the ball. But if you say, The book was very interesting. I like reading about animals, youve thrown the ball back. Then tell the child, I can keep the conversation going by asking, What kind of animals interest you most? If you say, Dogs, then you have held the ball again. But if you tell me, I like dogs because theyre warm and cuddly, the ball has been bounced back to me. The idea is to keep the game going until the two of us have finished talking. Kids usually catch on to this game quickly. Afterwards, you can build on the concept by commenting on interchanges that occur with friends and adults.

While manners tend to facilitate morals, theres another reason to teach them. They also help develop confidence and poise. A girl who has been trained properly is never completely knocked off-balance when shes in an unfamiliar circumstance. She knows whats expected of her and how to deal with it. Her sense of self-worth is reinforced by the way adults react to her charm, poise and grace. For the mother who wants to give her daughter a head-start in life and help her compete socially, this is a great place to begin.

These diverse skills used to be taught to girls in mandatory home-making classes. Alas, most of those programs were cancelled after the revolution of the 60s, and America became the worst for it. Road rage, loud cell phone conversations in restaurants, cutting in line, throwing litter from car windows, and general nastiness are now everyday occurrences.

Monica Brandner teaches at an etiquette business for children and youth called Final Touch Finishing School. She says that manners are primarily about how we treat others and ourselves. Sheryl Eberly, who wrote 365 Manners Kids Should Know. She says living by the Golden Rule releases the power of a thankful heart to those trained to practice it. She also reminds us, and this is a great point, that when we teach social graces to our children, were training the next generation in self-government in self-control. John Adams must be smiling from the other side.

In short, teaching manners to girls is about helping them to become young ladies in a not very civil world. I assure you that MTV and an increasingly crude culture will do everything possible to carry our daughters, and our sons, downstream toward that which is boorish and uncouth. You can help them paddle upstream.

One technique that my wife used to teach social graces to our daughter was to play feminine games together. For example, they held elaborate tea parties when Dene was four or five years of age. The child loved them. Their make-believe names were Mrs. Perry (that was Dene), Mrs. Snail (her mom) and a little boy who was Mr. Green, who was drafted into service. Other available kids and their moms from the neighbourhood were invited on occasion. This fun activity allowed my wife to explain how silverware was supposed to be arranged, how to eat soup without slurping, how to hold and drink from a teacup, how to use a napkin, how to chew with mouths closed, how to hold a conversation, why they should wait to eat until everyone at the table was served, etc. Its amazing how effective these tea parties were in teaching common politeness.

I was never invited to join them, and I definitely felt left out. But what about moms who havent been trained in social etiquette themselves? They can hardly pass on what they havent learned, and what can we suggest for those who are simply too busy to tackle the job? Thats where professional etiquette training comes in. Classes are popping up in cities across the country to meet this precise need. Thought these training programs can be expensive, they are worth the cost of parents who can afford them. For those who dont have the resources, some churches and womens clubs are providing assistance. Furthermore, we should never forget what some grandmothers have to offer in teaching these concepts. They are likely to remember a more gentile era, and their granddaughters will enjoy the attention that comes with the training.

Another source of assistance for moms and dads is the array of materials and manuals now available. I have mentioned several of them which appear at the end of this book. Some would question whether its even desirable for a girl to be feminine in a traditional sense. My mom and dad loved each other deeply, and they had a very healthy relationship based on their identities as a woman and a man. He was very respectful, protective, and supportive of her. I never saw him treat her rudely or harshly. After I was grown, I remember getting upset at my mom for something that she said that irritated me. I made the mistake of telling my dad about it. Ill never forget him turning those steely blue eyes on me and saying angrily, Listen, bud. Your mothers the best friend you have, and I wont stand for you saying anything disrespectful about her. It was the end of the conversation. When dad called me bud, I knew it was time to back off.

On the other side of the ledger, my mom honoured my dad not just as her husband, but also as a man. She would not have thought of failing to have a meal waiting for him when he came home. Being from the South, she was not offended when he called from his big chair where he was reading a book. He was say, Hey Myrt! Bring me a cup of coffee please. He was her man, and she took care of him. It was a relationship based on mutual respect, and it was highly successful. They both understood manners and morals and their relationship through spirituality, masculinity, and femininity. My parents modelled them consistently throughout my childhood.

I displayed that training on my first date with a cute co-ed named Shirley. I took her to a classy restaurant in Hollywood, California, where I told the host where we wanted to sit. Then I helped Shirley with her chair. I asked what she wanted to eat, and I conveyed her order to the waiter. We engaged each other in conversation for more than an hour, mostly about Shirley. Then I paid the check, and I took her to my car. I walked on the outside of the sidewalk nearest the street, which was, and still should be, symbolic of a guys responsibility to protect the woman in his care. I opened the car door for her, and we drove back to our college. I parked, came around to her side of the car, opened the door, and walked Shirley to the front door of her dorm. She thanked me with a smile, and we said, Good night.

I still try to show her the same courtesies and respect that helped me win her heart in the first place, and she knows all the ways to please me.

So much as changed in the culture since then. I will tell you that Im disgusted by the way young men treat their girlfriends today. Some guys will honk from the street waiting for a girl to come out. They stay behind the steering wheel while she opens her own door, and then they take her to a McDonalds or a Taco Bell. Often the guy will even expect his date to pay for her own food, and they both contribute to the tip. Do you know why this happens? Because girls tolerate it. I would advise a young lady who is expected to pay for her meal to do so only once. She should then asked to be taken straight home and never agree to see the dude again. Any man who is that disrespectful doesnt deserve a second chance.

Women hold the keys to masculine behaviour. Guys are inclined to take what they can get and be no more accommodating than they have to be. To some degree, the lack of culture and refinement that we see in many of todays men is the fault of women who ask for and get little or nothing. If a girl sees herself as a lady, she will expect her escort to behave like a gentleman. He will respect her if she respects herself. If she wants him to be spiritually sensitive, she should go out with him only if he accompanies her to church. If she objects to his use of profanity, she should simply not accept it. If she wants him to think of her often and call her on the phone, she should wait for him to get the idea himself. Female aggressiveness is a turn-off to most men. I dont care if the rules have changed. Its still a bad idea for a girl to pursue a guy breathlessly. She should let him be the initiator. Thats the way he is made.

Parents, teach these concepts to your girls. If your daughter wants her boyfriend to take her to nice places, she should expect him to make the plans for an evening together, and to ask her out at least a week ahead of time. If he shows up unannounced on Friday night and says, Wanna hang out? She should tell him she has other things to do. If she wants him to be a gentleman, than she should require him to act like one, and she should always remember that she is a lady.

It comes down to this. The relationship between a man and a woman throughout their lives together, if indeed they do marry, will reflect the ground rules set by the woman when theyre courting. She can change him then, but probably not after. She should not settle for anything less than what she needs emotionally. High on her list of priorities should be a mutual understanding about manners and morals. Its the way men and women have related to each other for thousands of years, and it still provides a basis for healthy families that are equipped to go the distance.

However, teaching girls to be ladies is not enough. We must also give them a strong, Biblical foundation from which morals and virtue can evolve. Our hope is that our daughters will someday pass along those verities to the next generation. No other priority comes close to this one in significance.

[END CLIP]

[A FRIEND OF MEDJUGORJE]

So, thats many good lessons, but I have one more lesson through this song that you can learn especially down here in the South.

[SONG: CLEANING THIS GUN]

The Declaration of Independence, think I can tell you that first sentence, but then Im lost. I can't begin to count the theories I've had pounded in my head that I forgot.

I don't remember all that Spanish or the Gettysburg Address
But there is one speech from high school I'll never forget

Come on in, boy, sit on down and tell me bout yourself. So, you like my daughter, do you now? Yeah, we think she's something else. She's her daddy's girl, her mama's world.
She deserves respect. That's what she'll get, ain't it, son? Hey, y'all, run along and have some fun. I'll see you when you get back. Bet I'll be up all night still cleanin' this gun.

Well, now that Im a father, Im scared to death one day my daughter is gonna find that teenage boy I used to be.

Shes growin up so fast. It wont be long before Ill have to put the fear of God into some kid at the door.

Yeah, come on in, boy, sit on down and tell me bout yourself. So, you like my daughter, do you now? Yeah, we think she's something else. She's her daddy's girl, her mama's world. She deserves respect. That's what she'll get, now ain't it, son? Now, y'all go out and have some fun. I'll see you when you get back, probably be up all night still cleanin' this gun.

Now, its all for show, aint nobody gonna get hurt. Its just a daddy thing, and hey, believe me, man it works.

Yeah, come on in, boy, sit on down and tell me bout yourself. So, you like my daughter, do you now? Yeah, we think she's something else. She's her daddy's girl, her mama's world. She deserves respect. That's what she'll get, ain't it, son? Hey, y'all, run along and have a little fun. I'll see you when you get back, probably be up all night still cleanin' this gun.

Son, now y'all buckle up and have her back
By ten... ah, let's say about 9:30
Drive safe

[A FRIEND OF MEDJUGORJE]

Truth can be spoken in words. Truth can be spoken in songs. So, I think its appropriate to return to what Dobson was saying about the words of President John Adams, who gave the solemn charge to our nations women, quote,

The foundation of our national morality must be laid in private families. The mothers are the earliest and most important instructors of the youth.

I say myself, that I believe this quote is an infallible truth, and it was truth in 1798, and its still true today. And thats why Our Lady says to us, Dear children, today, live my messages, my way of life that gives life to the culture.

We wish you Our Lady. We love you. Good night.